sometimes i wonder what it will take for me to be considered an adult. i know, as a teenager and young adult, i didn't always make the wisest of choices and that seems to loom over me like a shadow i just can not shake. it seems as if people who knew me then expect me to revert back to the person i once was. it seems like errors are expected of me and choices need to be made for me. at what point will that end? does it ever end? it feels as if no path i take in life is good enough and even if it is, i surely must be doing something wrong along the way.
i look at my life and see myself doing all the things adults do. i have the house, the kids, the minivan and a pta membership. i take my kids to school and their activities. i schedule appointments for the kids as well as both of my parents. i grocery shop, i cook dinner and sometimes i even do laundry. still, some part is missing that makes Them view me as One of Them.
did having kids just make me appear to be a glorified nanny? am i wearing the wrong clothes? do i cuss too much? is it because i had the kids earlier on in life? wasn't that the way at one point? could it be because our choice was for me to stay home with the kids vs. having a career? maybe it's because i don't capitalize things sometimes.
lord knows i keep trying. i've assumed if i only have or do xyz, i will be taken seriously. so far, no go.
it feels at times, because i didn't not take the chosen path, i will never be able to meet up with everyone later on down that path. i will always be riding along on the frontage road, watching life carry on in the highway. i will shout and wave my arms and ask to join but there is no on ramp for me on that highway.
i need to figure out how to make the frontage road work for me and learn to let the highway go. my road may go at a different pace than yours. it may not make sense to you why i take the frontage road vs. hopping on that freeway you really don't want me to be on anyways. i have to stop staring at your highway and enjoy the fact that my road is slower at times but has some pretty incredible views.
Finder of lost socks and fridge-things hidden in plain view. Sour candy addict. Decaf coffee fiend. Wife to W. Mom to M(7), H(4) and TRex (1). Artistic and creative... just kidding.