No really, I'm not. I'm only hearing a few words you're saying. Instead of really listening to your words, my mind is going a million miles an hour. It's always been this way. They even tried medicating me for it as a kid. While you're talking, I'm planning what I'm going to say next, whether it's an argument, an agreement, some sarcastic remark or an attempt to relate to you in some haphazard way. "Oh yeah, my uncle's second cousin went through that, twice. He ended up dying. Oh. You needed an uplifting story or some support? My bad." Just today my dad was telling me about his dentist appointment and I remembered that my dentist hadn't called me back so I needed to call them. I did. I tend to forget things so I feel a need to do all the things RIGHT NOW. My dad tried to tell the story at least three more times. I still don't know if I ever heard the end of it. I don't mean to do it. I really don't. I care for my friends and family so much it hurts sometimes. I WANT to hear what you have to say. I spend hours before falling asleep replaying all of my crappy interactions that day whether its interrupting someone for the millionth time or telling a story instead of just being present for the friend who needs an ear, not a comparison. I've become more aware of this as I've aged and because of that, I've become more awkward. I spend more time thinking about what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it that I do just listening. I find myself doing it to the kids as well. They will have a story about their day and I'm thinking about what's for dinner or if Derek really will get that rose.
So here's my goal.
For the month of October, I'm taking a vow of silence. There will be rules and exceptions since waving my arms frantically wont stop the baby from walking into traffic or the 4 year old from dangling by one leg from a play structure while singing Jingle Bells, Batman Smells. Here are the rules I have so far. This is a fluid list so I may need to add or change things as the month goes on.
1) I will not talk first unless it is to say hello or goodbye. A) I can use any variation of the greetings. B) I can respond to questions but it must be brief but not rude. 2) I will not start any conversations. There will probably be many awkward silences. Then again, maybe I'm just talking so much I'm not giving other people a chance to talk. We'll find out. A) This goes for The Bigs as well. They have cool things to say. I'll let them start. B) I can start conversations with the baby. He needs reminders when the light turns green or a dog walks by. Plus, he just had a 9 month vow of silence not long ago. 3) This is the big one. Deep breath. I will not text or message you first. This will be painful. If you don't get 900 texts from me in one day, I'm still alive and I still love you. I'm probably twitching in some corner somewhere though.
Exceptions: 1) Any dangerous or immediate situation with the kids. This also goes for you. If you're on fire, I'll yell for help. 2) Appointment making and doctor calling. I do this for 6-7 people throughout the week. If I don't do this, someone may lose a limb, or liver. 3) I will blog and Facebook. This listening thing will be a new thing for me. There will be Feels. I want to tell you about All The Feels.
One month. It wont be so hard. Introverted people do it all the time. I will be living the 'don't speak unless you're spoken to' rule so many of us grew up with. So, on that note, come talk to me. I'd love to listen.
are we the same person? I've become conscious of this as well and I don't like. Maybe I should try your solution. I guess that means we shouldn't meet for coffee in the next month.
Reply
Melanie
9/29/2014 01:48:45 pm
Or we can just sit in silence together. It might make catching up interesting.
Reply
Leave a Reply.
The 411
Finder of lost socks and fridge-things hidden in plain view. Sour candy addict. Decaf coffee fiend. Wife to W. Mom to M(7), H(4) and TRex (1). Artistic and creative... just kidding.